


a place where every light is muted

by Olena



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Greek Mythology, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olena/pseuds/Olena
Summary: Last December, Rey died. But only temporarily. Rey just wants to put the Incident behind her. Except something happened when she was between life and death and it won't stay buried.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Did I ever expect to write a Reylo AU to a Meg Cabot book? No, but here it is. Did I expect to publish it on AO3? Also no! I'm very nervous and scared, but this was a plot bunny I couldn't hide.
> 
> For those of you familiar, this is heavily based on Meg Cabot's book "Abandon." Some dialogue and early plot is very heavily inspired by the book, but I'll be branching out with the plot.
> 
> Title from Dante's Infero.

Fall had come to Massachusetts early and Rey didn’t want to think about what that meant for the winter even though she knew it probably meant trekking through three feet of snow. For now, the weather wasn’t that cold, but the trees were beginning to turn and a chill had clearly settled in the air. 

Rey tightened her scarf around her neck and let out a deep breath before she settled off across campus to get to the quad. She still wasn’t used to the cold and doubted she ever would be. Her earliest memories were of Nevada, where Rey had been raised around the desert. She had taken the first opportunity to get out of the state, which had been her acceptance to Bramwell College. 

She had arrived for the new year earlier that morning and it had been an ordeal getting her room in shape. Hours later, she had most of her boxes unpacked and her suitcase was tucked underneath her bed. Either by chance or by administration’s guiding hand, she had won the housing lottery and was one of the few juniors with her own single. The fact that the single was in one of the buildings further away from campus was probably due to the fact she was a junior, but Rey didn’t care. It was her own space.

As she walked, her phone buzzed two or three times in quick succession. The phone had been buzzing all morning with text messages from her friends wondering when they were going to see her. Dinner was going to be their official reunion, but it didn’t take too long for her to be ambushed by a dart of black hair running across the quad. After all, Bramwell really wasn’t that big.

“Oh my god, Rey!” Rose Tico, her first and second year roommate, screamed as she pulled Rey into a hug. “You’re here! When did you get in?”

“This morning. I’ve missed you,” Rey said, wrapping her arms around Rose as the other woman hugged her tightly. 

Behind her, Finn, Rey’s first and best friend, walked up so he was just behind them. He looked like he was trying to figure out how to hug both of them at once, but decided against it at the last second since Rose was still flailing. Once Rose let Rey go, Finn wrapped Rey into a bear hug that lifted Rey’s feet off the ground. He swung her around in a circle before he set her back down on the ground.

“Rey! You have no idea how good it is to see you. We were so worried about you,” Finn said. Rey could only smile. So much had happened over the past few months and she was unsure of what else to say. Was she supposed to talk about it like she was over it?

“Did you see a light?” Finn said, his smile clearly teasing. Except it didn’t matter since Rose immediately elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow!” Finn rubbed his ribs. “It was only a joke!”

“It’s still rude,” Rose responded before she turned her attention back to Rey. “How was your summer?”

Rey shifted her weight to her right foot as she forced herself to smile. Despite everything that happened and the questions she was sure to get about The Incident, Rey was glad to be back. Even though she knew she was going to be answering personal questions over and over again.

“It was good, but I missed you both so much,” Rey said, reaching out to hug both of them at once. Her smile felt almost real as she pulled away from the hug. “Where’s Poe? I’m sure you all want to hear about whether or not there was a light.”

“See, Rose?” Finn said.

“I was trying to be sensitive!” Rose said. “It’s not everyday your friend dies and then comes back to life!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Finn said. “But really, you have to tell me. Did you see a light? A tunnel? Patrick Swayze?”

Rey swallowed. “I mean, almost all Near Death Experiences involve some sort of light. Scientists say it’s because all of the neurotransmitters firing at once.” 

She had Googled that fact. Rey waved her hand dismissively as they began to walk towards the student center that housed both food. And it probably housed Poe Dameron, who lived and breathed student government. Despite not being on campus for the past nine months, not much had changed. A few potholes had been filled in, but for the most part nothing had changed.

Rey on the other hand? Rey had come back to campus half a semester behind. Rey also came back to campus with the knowledge of what it was like to die. She also knew what it was like to come back. And to come back...not exactly normal.

“This is such a nice breeze,” Rey murmured as the wind ruffled her hair. “It’s so good to be back.”

“It’s nice to have you back, peanut. We all missed you.” Finn responded. 

Rose made a noise of agreement at Finn’s comment. “At least the storm held off until after move-in. Can you imagine trying to move our stuff in the rain? It would have been a repeat of first year all over again.”

Rey groaned at that memory and wondered why she had felt awkward about seeing them again. They had already slipped right back into their old routine and bantering. “Don’t remind me! Remember how I tried to help you move all of your things in and I got soaked to the bone? I swear I was sick for the entire first week of classes!”

“Except we’re juniors now. We’re older and much wiser. Plus, we can all legally drink.” Finn said and Rey let out her first real laugh of the day.

Maybe things would be okay, she thought. They really were older and wiser. She could slip back into what her life was like before the Incident and put everything behind her.

But that thought quickly faded as they passed the grave. 

One of the things that had attracted Rey to the Northeast was the idyllic charm that also doubled as a fair amount of weirdness. The founder of Bramwell was buried smack dab in the middle of campus and all of the dorms that had been around since the late-1800s. It was odd, but Rey thought it was a welcome change from Reno. 

“Who put a bra on the grave?” Rose asked, rolling her eyes as she gestured towards the bra. Rey’s gaze snapped to the multiple bras decorating the metal fence surrounding the giant gravestone. “Do you think it was a senior? Or a first year? I hear the firsties were talking on their Facebook group about doing a seance there.”

“Oh, it’s senior most definitely. Doesn’t the field hockey team do this,” Rey said as her eyes drifted back to what had caught her attention a few seconds prior - the speckled bird that was perched on the gravestone. Even though they were walking by the grave, Rey was almost absolutely certain that she had seen that bird before. She just didn’t want to think about it now. Not when she was trying to put dying - and what happened after - behind her.

The last thing Rey would ever say about her life was that it had been marked by tragedy. Sure, that how her social worker put it when placing her in foster homes. But it wasn’t how Rey would define her story. 

Rey’s parents died in a car accident when she was eight and from there on out she had been moved from foster home to foster home. The shortest stay was twelve hours. The longest one was three years. For the most part though, Rey had always been the new kid in school and had always been the outcast. The girl with the British accent in the shabby clothes who didn’t have any parents? It wasn’t a recipe for popularity, so Rey threw herself into her studies and as soon as she was fourteen she got her first part-time job. 

Her first job was being a cashier at a frozen yogurt store, but after that she found a job working at an auto repair shop. First, it was just answering phone calls, but soon the guys in the shop were showing her how to make small repairs. Her senior year of high school, Rey was underneath the hood just as much as the other guys.

Rey hadn’t even known Bramwell College existed until a high school guidance counselor begged her to apply. Before Mrs. Louis, Rey’s only college plans were to apply to the local community college Except working part-time at the local garage wouldn’t even pay for a semester of that. Rey was almost certain that she wouldn’t end up going anywhere, but then Mrs. Louis put the glossy brochure in front of Rey during her homeroom and told her to apply.

There were a lot of things that had attracted Rey to Bramwell. The first thing was the fact it was thousands miles away from Nevada. That meant Rey could leave all of the memories of being shipped from foster home to foster home in the desert. The second thing was its engineering program, which was one of the top for a small college. Then there was that Rey was enchanted by the idyllic campus with not one but two lakes. The buildings were all old, gothic style, but it was the trees that Rey loved the most. Everything was green and then orange and then it was snowy. It was the furthest thing from Reno. Rey would never admit it, but she cut out a picture of Bramwell’s quad and put it on her wall so she could see it every night before she went to sleep.

Rey applied with the idea that she wasn’t going to get in, but when she read the acceptance email indicating she also would receive a full-ride, she cried and ran out of her AP Statistics class to go to the guidance office to hug Mrs. Louis. 

That following fall, Mrs. Louis put Rey on the plane to Massachusetts. And then Rey was on her own again. She showed up to Bramwell with one large suitcase and the clothes on her back. It was everything she owned. She felt out of place with all of the families milling around, but then she met Finn at the special first generation college students mixer and the rest was history. They became thicker than thieves and then she met Rose, then Poe, and then she realized that she had friends. And then those friends became her family. Rey spent her first Thanksgiving with the Tico family, Christmas break with Finn, and Spring break was at Poe’s family’s home on Long Island. It was a whirlwind. 

Until the Incident. 

Rey wanted to push the Incident out of her mind, but she couldn’t. No matter how many times she tried, she always ended up remembering exactly what had happened.

It had been the last day of fall finals and Rey had just finished packing. Most of campus had left for the winter break, but Rey had to close the dorms since she was the RA. The next day she’d catch the bus to go spend winter break with Rose’s family, but before that she had room inspections. Except after awhile Rey began to feel stir crazy all alone in the dorm. So Rey had decided she was going to go for a run around campus. It was the same route she did every day and had done the day before, but when she got to the path around the lake she heard the most heartbreaking sound of an animal in pain. She stepped off the path to investigate and there was a speckled dove lying on the ice. Rey had no idea why the bird was still around Massachusetts in the winter, but with the way its wing was bent, Rey knew it wasn’t going to be flying much.

“You poor thing,” she had said, knowing she ought to call the facilities team to help her. But from the way the bird was shivering on the ice, Rey wondered how much time it had left. It didn’t take longer than a second for Rey to make up her and mind and she took the three steps onto the ice to get to the bird. It had been below freezing for weeks now and Rey knew the ice was thick enough to hold her weight for a few seconds.

But then there was the sickening crack of the ice breaking and then Rey fell. Her head hit the ice and the temperature of the water was paralyzing, immediately shocking her system. Her winter running clothes were quickly soaked through and Rey found herself sinking down into the water. 

It’s not that deep, she thought, disoriented from the blow to her head and the cold of the water seeping into her bones. She struggled to raise her arms as she sunk down further. By the time Rey realized she was in truly trouble, her lungs were full of water she had swallowed reflexively and she was sinking to the bottom of a yard-deep part of the lake. 

She still struggled to claw her way up from the water, but her arms felt so heavy. She found herself staring up through the water and into the winter sun pouring past the bare tree branches. It was almost peaceful. It would have been so easy to give up and she was so tired, but Rey kept clawing.

Her therapists post-Incident had told her that it was extremely common for those who had survived Near Death Experiences to have hallucinations as their brain died. Almost all of the doctors she had seen post-Incident had drilled into her head that it was important for her mental health to remember that anything she had seen was a dream.None of it was real.

Yes, the doctors said, the dreams could be extremely realistic. Yes, the doctors said, the dreams could feel like they lasted ages. Yes, the doctors said, being able to control her actions during the hallucination was just a form of lucid dreaming. She needed to know it wasn’t real so she could move on.

It was all a figment of her imagination. Her therapist had been clear that if what had happened to Rey had been real, she never would have been able to escape and there was nothing to worry about. Everything was just a result of her brain dying and increased levels of CO2 in her blood.

Except Rey knew it was real. Because she had proof. She always had it. It was there when she woke up in the hospital when the nurse brought her the belongings they had taken from her when she was in the ICU. 

She could have pulled the necklace out at any time to show the doctors. But she didn’t. She just wanted to forget.

Reaching up, Rey pressed her fingers to the bump of the necklace underneath her shirt. It was real. It was all real.

“Hey, earth to Rey?” Someone said, knocking Rey out of her thoughts. She looked around to see Poe snapping his fingers at her. “Rey? You there?”

“Huh? Yeah - sorry, was just thinking about if Professor Parsons already assigned readings for my class.” She said, blinking as she realized she was standing in the cafe area of the campus student center. When had Poe arrived? How much time had she lost?

Poe shook his head. “Probably. He’s a hardass. Anyway, what do you want to drink? My treat.”

“Yeah, just a coffee, please. Thank you.” Rey said, giving his arm a pat as she looked around. Rose and Finn had already claimed a table and Rey went to sit next to them. 

A few minutes later, Poe brought over her cup of coffee and Rey gave him a thankful smile. 

“So? How’s everyone been?” Poe asked before he took a sip of his own coffee. There was a brief second of silence before everyone dove into what they had been doing their summers. Finn spent all summer working as a research assistant for a Harvard professor, while Rose had been working at some engineering firm in Boston. Poe had been interning on Capitol Hill, of course.

Rey listened intently, but when all of their eyes fell on her she shrugged. “You know, resting. Healing.”

“Which was for the best,” Rose chimed in and Rey gave her a smile as she lifted her mug up to take a sip. Rey did not deserve a friend like Rose.

“I want to hear more about this professor, Finn. You said he was what? Crotchety?” Rey asked, leaning forward as her best friend made an exasperated face.

“You saw the texts I sent you. Don’t act like you’re not just trying to get me to relive this man calling me at three am to tell me about how he had a dream about edits to make for his book and could I just jot some things down?” Finn made a face. “Nope.” Rey smiled as Finn continued to talk about the experience and laughed.

“You studying abroad this Spring?” Rey asked Finn and Finn nodded. 

“Yeah, I think so. We processed all the paperwork, so I guess if everything goes well I’ll be spending my Spring in Scotland.” 

“St. Andrews is going to be so lucky to have you. Even if only for a semester.” Rose said. Rey agreed, finishing her coffee as she checked her watch. It was about time for the dinner stations in the campus center to open. She looked up and met Finn’s eyes.  
He grinned. “Personal pizzas?”

Rey nodded. “Personal pizzas.”

Without another word, they both stood up and rushed out of the cafe and to the dining commons. Poe and Rose were both saying something, but they were both used to this. The only way to properly kick off the school year was to get a personal pizza. It was the first meal that they had as first-years and it was a tradition now for the two of them to get a personal pizza at least once a week.

Her group of friends had meant everything to her and she was so glad that they were there. 

Before Rey realized it, dinner was over and everyone was about to go their separate ways. Finn and Rose were going to go to the gym, Poe was staying in the student center, and Rey… Rey was going to head back to her dorm. 

“I’ll see you guys for breakfast tomorrow,” Rey murmured as she hugged each one of them goodbye. “Before Convocation.”

Finn held onto her a little bit tighter than usual before he let go. “Text the group chat when you get back to your room.”

Rey rolled her eyes, but promised she would do it. She couldn’t fault them for wanting to make sure that she was okay. It was something she had talked about with her therapist. Her friends were going to be overbearing at first and that was okay. They hadn’t seen her in awhile and they wanted to make sure she was safe. After all, they had nearly lost her too.

She waved at Finn and Rose as they walked in separate directions of the student center. She tightened the scarf around her neck as she walked on the path. The sun had set and her way back to her dorm was guided by the various street lights. Campus was always well lit, but the imposing bricks were spooky at times.

Her shoulders hunched forward as she walked past the grave. Despite the bra still hanging from the gate, Rey just wanted to get away from it. Until she heard a familiar sound. 

The cooing of the bird made her feel like she had just fallen back into the ice and she lost her breath. In a desperate move, Rey rushed over to the gate and opened it. The metal hinge squeaked from age.

“Where are you?” She called softly to the bird she knew had to be around the grave. She wanted to prove it was real. That it wasn’t just her mind making things up. She just wanted answers to everything that had happened to her. Was that so much to ask?  
“Who are you talking to?” A voice behind her asked. The scream Rey let out as she turned around and saw his face was loud enough to wake the dead.

“What are you doing here?” Rey asked, once she realized what was happening. Rey tried to say something else, but all that was coming out of her throat was deep, ragged breaths as she tried to regain control. 

She noticed that he looked the same as she had seen him last time. He was wearing the black jeans, black shirt, black tactical boots, and a black coat. His hair fell in careless waves around his face and Rey almost wanted to reach out to touch the strands to see if they were as soft as she remembered. Kylo looked like every other liberal arts college kid on campus. Except he was Death.

There weren’t any major differences in his appearance. Sure, he looked tired, if it was possible for Death himself to be tired. Kylo’s eyes were also now a flat, dark brown. There was no trace of the warmth Rey remembered there. There was the scar that split his face, but Rey ignored that. After all, she had given him that scar. 

Kylo looked like he wanted to say something, but he was waiting for Rey. He looked just as shocked and confused as she was. 

“What are you doing here?” She repeated, once she had gotten her breath back under control. She glanced around to see if anyone was walking down the path, but she thankfully didn’t see another soul. 

“I’m in my library. Can you see where I am?” Kylo said. His words were chosen carefully. “I can’t see where you are.”

“I’m...I’m at college.” Rey said, swallowing as the tears pricked her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of him. But it had been months and…

“So, you made it back.” He said. His voice was completely emotionless. Rey gave him a nod. 

“Sorry about the screaming. I wasn’t expecting to see you.” 

“Clearly.” Kylo responded. The silence around them was awkward and Rey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. They stared at each other and it was clear to Rey that Kylo wasn’t happy to see her. After everything that had happened, Rey understood exactly why he would be feeling that way.

“Why are you here?” She asked. 

Kylo’s dull eyes met hers and refused to look away. “I don’t know. I was alone and then the next moment you were here. I almost thought–-”

He almost thought she returned, her mind supplied. Rey swallowed again. She knew she had hurt him, but he had also been the one to imprison her first. Well, if imprison was the right term. She had no idea what that in between world really was.

“Look,” Rey started. “I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between us, okay?”

“Hard feelings…” Kylo repeated the words and Rey could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. He continued to stare at her and Rey had to force herself to not look away.

“Yes. No hard feelings. I’m alive and I forgive you for what happened to me.” Rey forced herself to stand up straighter. “I hope you understand that it wasn’t personal what I did. I had to leave.” 

A muscle jumped in Kylo’s jaw and his stare bored into her. “I understand.” Kylo’s voice was as cold as the lake water. “You made your decision, you acted on it, and you failed to consider the consequences.” 

She felt the heat pooling in her eyes and forced herself to stay strong. She wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of him.

“I couldn't die. I couldn’t.” Her voice came out as a whisper.

Kylo laughed. It was a cold, echoing sound that made Rey shiver. She blinked and then he was standing right next to her. She forgot just how fast and silently he could move. His face was inches from hers and Rey’s gaze dropped down to his lips before it went back up to meet his steely gaze. “You certainly don’t seem like a person who doesn’t want to die.” 

Kylo’s attention had shifted elsewhere and suddenly Rey was wondering if he was staring at her lips too. Until she realized what he was really staring at. 

The thin, golden chain of the necklace was peeking out at the back of her scarf. Kylo reached out to give it a gentle tug, freeing it from her t-shirt. 

“You still have it.” His voice was a breath. 

“You said it would protect me from harm.” She responded. Kylo met her eyes once more and Rey could see a little bit of life had come back into his eyes. It was almost like someone had cleaned a dirty window. “Do you want it back?” She made a move to take it off and Kylo dropped his hand. She hadn’t realized he was still holding the chain. 

Taking it off, she held it out to Kylo. “Here. It’s yours. You won’t have to follow me to classes or anything.”

The light in his eyes immediately died again and Rey could see the fury. “I gave you this as a gift -” His deep voice was monotone “-because it gives you protection. If you don’t want it, don’t wear it. But Rey?” He paused for the briefest of seconds. “When you left you opened a door… you should be afraid of what could get out.”

Rey opened her mouth to ask him what he was referring to, but in the span of a heartbeat Kylo disappeared and it was just Rey alone again.

Persephone was lucky, Rey thought. At least she had someone to bail her out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was really inspired and wrote this chapter today. Thank you so much for your kind words both here and on Twitter. There is where things begin to diverge from Abandon, plus a healthy dose of TLJ thrown in because why not

Campus was far too quiet for one of the last nights before classes started and Rey paced around her room. Despite her desire for solitude, she couldn’t help but feel like she should be out with her friends.

Still, she couldn’t get her encounter with Kylo out of her mind. It had been months since she had last seen him and she thought that when she turned him down, when she escaped, that everything would have stopped. She thought she would never see him again and she had accepted that.

Rey curled up on her Twin XL mattress and rested her head on the pillow, letting out a deep breath as she tried to think about her encounter with Kylo. He had looked just as surprised as Rey felt to see her and she believed him when he said he didn’t know how it was happening.

She swallowed.

Like almost everyone, Rey had been raised with the idea that the afterlife - if it even existed - was some sort of idyllic place. Like Earth but better. Now Rey knew that wasn’t true. Parts of it were nice, sure. But other parts…

Rey remembered coming to in the same clothes that she had been wearing on her run. But she wasn’t in the lake or even in bed waking up from a dream. She was in a vast cavern on the shore of a lake that seemed to go on forever.

“Your name?” A masked humanoid figure dressed in white asked. She couldn’t discern any identifying features, but they were holding on to what looked like an iPad. Rey had stuttered a bit.

“Rey Jakku. Where am I?” She looked around as the person tapped on the iPad.

“Over there.” They pointed in to their left and Rey looked around. She was in a crowd of thousands of people. Most of them were seniors, but a few were the same age as her. There were a few children. Rey swallowed as she looked around. What was this?

The person pointed to the left again. There were two lines for two docks on the lake. One was shorter, and the other was longer. The figure pointed at the shorter line

“Please proceed to your line.” Was it just Rey, or was his voice robotic?

“Where am I? You need to tell me now.” Rey asked again, feeling herself grow more frantic. She was beginning to shiver and the wind coming off the lake was not helping.

“Proceed to your line.” The robot voice said again and Rey shook her head. She squared her shoulders and jutted her chin out in defiance. She wasn’t afraid of a masked, robot-sounding person. Scarier men than this person had tried to intimidate her before and they hadn’t succeeded.

“This is your last warning. Proceed to your line.” The masked person touched their hip and Rey could see that they were pressing some sort of signal.

“I said not until you tell me where I am!” Her voice grew in volume and she glared at the mask. A moment later found two additional identically dressed masked figures coming up from behind her. Both grabbed one of Rey’s arms. She began to struggle, trying to remember everything from the free self defense classes and the tips that the guys at the garage had taught her.

“Let go of me!” She yelled as she tried to kick at one of their keys. Her foot collided with the body armor that they were wearing, but nothing happened. Rey grew even more frantic and she continued to struggle even more. “Let go of me!” She screamed and both of the masked figures dropped to the ground. It took her a second to realize what had happened, but then she was running parallel to the lake. There had to be a way to get out of this cavern.

There was a commotion from behind her. It didn’t take long for Rey to realize that it was the masked figures trying to catch her. Why were they chasing her? Rey continued to run. Her eyes scanned the shore for anything she could use as a weapon.

To this day, Rey wasn’t sure where he had come from, but one second there was nothing but air and the next second a giant figure dressed in all black was standing ten strides away from her. Rey stopped running when she saw him and swallowed, shifting back into a fighting stance. Like the others, he was masked as well.

“Where am I?” She yelled at him. She could hear some of the people coming behind her, but they stopped a few yards away from the two of them. Clearly they were waiting to see what would happen.

“What did you do to the guards?” The black figure asked. His voice was also robotic, but lower and more menacing.

Rey continue to stand her ground. “What are you doing to us?” The black figure started walking in her direction and she ground her teeth together. She hadn’t realized what had happened to her then, but Rey remembered she decided that she had made it this far in life and she wasn’t going down without a fight.

Without speaking, the black figure strode towards her and reached out his arm.

“No!” Rey yelled, swiping at the air in hopes of fighting him off. Except, instead of the black figure stumbling back, Rey watched as he was lifted off his feet and sailed through the air. Rey’s eyes widened almost comically. What had she just done?

Someone from the people behind her yelled something, but Rey couldn’t take her eyes off the black figure. The force of being flung back had knocked his helmet off. Rey had no idea what to expect. She didn't expect to see a pale face and eyes that were brimming with curiosity. But that was what was in front of her.

Two of the figures from earlier rushed up behind her and grabbed her arms yet again. The young man in black stood up from where he had been knocked down. Rey instinctively struggled.

“Lord Ren?” One of the voices asked and the man in black didn’t respond as he stepped in front of Rey. He reached out a hand and suddenly…

Rey felt the pull of unconsciousness and knew nothing but darkness.

When Rey woke, she found that the lake, the people, and the masked guards were all gone. Instead, she was lying down on a couch in a small, spartan room. She held her breath for a second before she forced herself into a sitting position so she could get her bearings. The room was plain. Stone walls, stone floors. A black table was in front of her and she was sitting on a black leather couch. Black floor-length curtains hung on the walls and Rey stood up so she could go pull one back.

She gasped when she saw a courtyard and garden that could have doubled as a Disney movie set. Well, if the Disney movie was depressing.

There was the sound of a door opening and Rey turned to see that the man from earlier had stepped into the room.

“How did you do that?” He asked, still standing on the opposite site of the room. Rey couldn’t help but notice how deep his voice was. His mask was meant to have been menacing, she guessed. Since his face was far too young to be anything of that sort.

“Do what?” She asked, letting the curtain drop from her hand. “Where am I?”

“My residence.” He answered her question and then nodded at her. “You threw the guards and then you threw me. How?”

Rey thought for a second before she looked down. She really had no idea how she had thrown the guards. A short breath that could have doubled as an exhausted sob escaped from her. “I don’t know. Please, though. Can you tell me what is going on?”

“You don’t know?” The man took a step towards her and looked at her with deep consideration. Rey realized he was trying to tell if she was lying. “I can’t read you. How are you blocking me?”

“I’ve already told you I don’t know anything.” Rey bit her bottom lip and ignored the tears in her eyes.

“You don’t know.” This time it was a statement instead of a question. He took another step towards her and Rey felt like he was trying to stare into her soul. “How do you have these abilities? I’ve seen your file. You’re no one.”

A flash of anger flew through Rey at that and any tears that were threatening to fall dried up immediately. “I am not no one.”

“Apparently not.” A chair materialized out of thin air right next to Rey and he gestured for her to sit. Rey shook her head. “You are dead, Rey Jakku. And now you’re in the Underworld.”

Rey stared at him. “Is this a joke?”

The man shook his head. “You fell into the lake and you hit your head. You drowned. You are dead and you know it, but you refuse to accept it.” His fingers tapped against his tight, Rey noticed. “You were meant to be on a boat to face whatever fate was supposed to await you, but now?”

A part of Rey knew that was exactly what had happened, but when she heard the words she didn’t know how to react. Hearing the man say the words was similar to falling in the ice all over again. And everything about the past few hours - had they been hours? - made sense. Rey had taken Greek mythology for her first-year seminar. How had she not put this together? To be fair, she had gotten a B- in the class, but that was because Rey was more interested in her engineering classes than reading some old myths.

Rey couldn’t help but notice how striking the man across from her was. He was someone she couldn’t look away from, especially not with the dark hair that fell in his face and the dark eyes that were trying to stare into her soul.

“But now?” She repeated.

“Now it’s best if you stay here.” His voice was as soft as the first rumblings of thunder before a storm. He turned back towards the door, but paused before he exited. “Are you coming? Or are you staying here?”

“Huh?” Rey asked, still processing before she realized the man was waiting for her at the door. Oh. With that, she followed him into a long hallway. He didn’t take her too far. He opened one door that led to a two-story library.

“How do I leave?” She asked.

“You don’t.” The man turned to look at her. “The boat left. You ran away from it and now the boat is gone. You chose this path over the boat, and now this is where you’re going to have to stay until we can decide what to do with you.”

There was a desk in the middle of the library and the man moved to it. He hesitated for a brief second before he waved his hand. A tea set appeared on the table and he gestured towards it. “Tea? Coffee?” He waved his hand and a pot of coffee appeared.

“How are you doing that?” Rey asked, approaching the table. The chill had seeped into her bones and a cup of tea sounded like a great idea. But then she remembered her seminar. It was never a good idea to eat or drink something that a God offered you. Not that Rey was sure the man in front of her was a God.

“Perks of the job.” He gestured towards a cup and Rey shook her head.

“And the job is?”

“Grim Reaper. Death. Whatever you want to call it.”

Rey met his eyes. “But I’m not dead. I didn’t get on that boat, so I haven’t passed on.”

The man raised a brow. “Technically.”

“So? Send me back.” Rey nodded towards the door of the study. “You should be able to.”

Another low laugh came from the man standing next to her. “I can, but I won’t do that.”

Rey gritted her teeth. “The guard called you Lord Ren. You should be able to put me back.”

“I could, but like I said I won’t do that.” He gave a short nod as he continued to look at her. “You need someone to teach you. Your abilities will only grow stronger the longer you stay here. We should start training immediately.” His eyes then flickered back to the steaming cup of tea he had poured for her. “Tea?”

Rey grabbed the teacup that he had gestured at and considered it for a moment. It was peppermint and the steam rising from the cup suggested that it would warm her from the inside out.

She threw it in his face instead.

–--–--

Rey snapped out of her memory with a start. She had left the Underworld. Left Ben. She was safe at college.

Kylo, she corrected. She couldn’t call him Ben anymore, not when he had become Death Himself. She supposed it was a promotion of sorts, but it wasn’t like she knew about the hierarchical structure of the Underworld. Kylo had been a bit short on the details, but Rey doubted they had yearly performance reviews. Still, she had been there when he had taken on his new role and she didn’t want to relive that yet.

Curling into a ball, Rey reached down to grab her laptop. She put on an episode of The Good Place and hoped to lure herself into something that resembled sleep. As she drifted off, she found herself wishing that the next time she died that she would end up in The Bad Place. Instead of on the shores of a windy lake.

The next morning, Rey woke up to hearing the sounds of fists banging on her door. She shot up out of bed -- her heart beating erratically in her chest -- before she realized that there was a voice coming from the door as well.

“Rey, wake up!” Rose yelled from the other side of the door. “It’s Convocation!”

Rey groaned at that, but immediately calmed when she realized it was Rose. Rey was safe. After a moment, she made her way to the door, taking her comforter with her. Opening the door, she blinked away the sleep from her eyes and gave Rose a look. “Yeah? And?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “It’s our last Convocation before we’re seniors, so we need to pregame and yes, you’re going to it tonight. Get dressed, we’re making a beer run.”

Convocation was supposed to be the celebration of the school year, where the first years were welcomed and the seniors sent off on their final year. It was one of the only times the entire school gathered together to celebrate what made Bramwell unique. For the most part, it was an all day drinking event that resulted in more than a few hangovers on the first day of classes. Rey wasn’t expecting to drink that much, but she knew she would definitely have a few beers. It was what she did last year and it was important for her to make sure that this year was as normal as possible.

Rose pushed her way into her room and went to Rey’s little closet, pulling out some leggings and a grey tunic. “It’s chilly out there. Now get moving.”

Rey rolled her eyes, but she was glad for the other woman’s company. “Where’s Finn?”

“Walking BB for Poe while he’s off doing SGA stuff,” Rose replied as she sat down on Rey’s bed. BB was Poe’s corgi that he had adopted. “What did you do last night?”

“Watched The Good Place, got some sleep.” Rey said, stripping off yesterday’s clothes and changing into the ones that Rose had picked. Sometimes it was better not to argue with the other woman.

Once she dressed, Rose tossed Rey her bag and they set off in the direction of the student parking lot. “Poe gave me alphabetized list of beers that he wanted us to get and one of them is craft. He better Venmo me ASAP.” Rose said as Rey hummed in agreement.

“What’s wrong with Bud Light?” Rey said and Rose nodded.

“It’s a classic for a reason.” Rose dug in her pocket for her car keys as they approached the parking lot. “Dunkin run before?”

Rey’s stomach grumbled as if to answer for her. “I think that’s a yes. I’ve been craving a vanilla latte.”

These off campus trips were something that Rey always looked forward to. Rose’s small Toyota Celica was a decade older than both of them but it held steady. It had belonged to Rose’s mother, then Rose’s sister, and now it was Rose’s car. Once a week they would force themselves to go on a Dunkin Donuts run and remind themselves that there was life outside of their campus.

Rose unlocked the car doors manually and Rey slipped inside the passenger side. “What music do you have this time?” Rose held up a cassette tape and Rey laughed. “Debbie Gibson, really?”

“Don’t knock it!” Rose said as she turned the car on. Rey could only shake her head and look out the window. From the corner of her eye, it looked like there was something at the edge of the parking lot, but when she blinked it was gone.

–--–--

Rey screamed her throat raw at convocation from cheering as loudly as possible to kick off the school year. She wasn’t exactly sure where her school had found the line of steel drummers, but jumping around with everyone as they sang the school song brought a lightness to her heart that she hadn’t felt in ages. It felt like the first step to normality.

The after party was held in someone’s quad and the small common space was packed from wall to wall. People spilled in and out of the rooms as they celebrated either their last day of freedom or the beginning of the semester. Since she had gone on the beer run earlier, Rey helped herself to the last of Poe’s craft beers before she bumped into one of the guys who had been in her physics class last fall. He gave her a shy smile before he asked her how she had been and how her final for their class had gone - even though the final had been nearly ten months. Everyone was dodging the subject of her death and Rey was thankful. It meant she could pretend like everything was fine.

Rey took another swig of beer and laughed at something the guy said. She wondered if he was potentially flirting with her. Maybe it would be nice to flirt back and have a college boyfriend? That could be another step on the path to normalcy and maybe it would even help her get her mind off of Kylo.

But any thoughts of flirting with the former classmate faded when she saw Kylo appear across the room. Had he done this on purpose? She narrowed her eyes, but then Rey say the confusion that flickered over his face for the briefest of seconds. He wasn’t doing this. Then he met Rey’s eyes. The confusion was swallowed up by fury.

“Uh, sorry. I need..I need air.” Rey said. She swallowed before excused herself again, pushing her way through the crowd of people so she could get to the hallway. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Why was this happening? All she wanted to be was alone. She had left for a reason.

In the hallway, she choked in a breath of air before she went to the stairwell. She didn’t have to look behind her to know that Kylo had followed her.

“You’re drunk.” He said as Rey stared at the cinderblock wall in front of her. A heartbeat later, she turned to look at him. It wasn’t like that was a profound observation and she was annoyed.

Why did it matter to him? She thought.

She raised her chin and met his eyes before she lifted the bottle of beer to her lips. She took a long swig and pretended like she didn’t notice how his eyes trailed to her neck. She refused to break eye contact. “So what if I am?” She said once she lowered the beer.

“This is what you were so determined to live for? Cheap beer?” Kylo sniffed in judgement, but Rey knew him better than that. He was upset that she had chosen something other than him.

Rey clenched her jaw. “I wanted to live for me.”

“How is this living?” He gestured at the beer in her hands, but she knew that he meant everything about the boring, nothing life that she was going to lead.

The adrenaline was sobering her up. “I’m having fun. I’m seeing my friends, I’m talking to people, I’m doing things that I never thought I would ever be able to do. That’s living, Ben!”

“Don’t call me that.” He hissed. Rey waved him off and instead pointed at the door that led to the hallway. He couldn’t see it, but she knew he would get that she was referring to the party.

“You don’t get to tell me what is and isn’t worth living for. Not after what you did.”

“You keep acting like I held you hostage. I saved you. If I did what I was supposed to do, you would have truly died. You never would have seen your friends again.” Kylo looked like the human equivalent of a bristling cat. “Besides, you can’t act as though you didn’t leave part of yourself behind. You know your potential. You just decided to flee instead.”

“I didn’t run away.” A dull laugh escape from Rey. “Also, it’s not like keeping me in your version of Hell would mean that I would have ever seen my friends again. And besides don’t you run the whole thing now?”

The air instantly grew several degrees colder and Rey wondered what exactly Kylo was doing. His fist was clenched tightly and Rey could see he was resisting the urge to open and close it. Oh. He was angry. That wasn’t new.

“Supposedly I run it.” His gaze was just over Rey’s head. “Hux blames you for what happened to Snoke.”

“What? Why? You’re the one that killed him.” Rey said before the truth dawned on her. “Oh my god. You told him that I killed Snoke? For what purpose? So you could run the entire Underworld?”

Kylo ignored her and continued. “Repeating what I said the last time I saw you, your decision has consequences. You opened a door that wasn’t meant to be opened and it is likely that Hux will seek to utilize that door to bring you back.”

Any remaining buzz that Rey had was gone immediately. “You can stop him, right?”

Kylo clearly looked like he wanted to say something snide, but the moment passed and suddenly the look was gone. “For now. It is clear he doesn’t believe my leadership skills are sufficient.” Kylo clenched his jaw again. His reaction made it clear. It was only a matter of time before Hux made his power play and there was a very real chance that Rey was about to be caught right in the middle of it.

“So what happens now?” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, gathering her strength as she realized the implication of his words. Rey had survived this much of her life and she would continue to survive. She wouldn’t let herself be scared.

But when she looked up Kylo was gone.

Shit, they really needed to work on that.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing is sort of very cathartic for me, especially after my TBI. Feel free to send a message to me if you see any errors or have any suggestions because my TBI does mean I probably have missed something.
> 
> For those of you wondering about "we could be gigantic," I have 20k words written for the next chapter and still chugging along.


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